WHAT I WISH I KNEW AS A FIRST-TIME MUM in the Early Years Before School

What I Wish I Knew as a First-Time Mum in the Early Years Before School

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This page is about acknowledging those red flags and encouraging parents to trust their instincts, because you know your child better than anyone.

I was the first in my friend group to become a mum. My family all lived in Scotland, and David’s family lived down south. I often think there are pros and cons to this. On one hand, I didn’t have anyone advising me or helping me figure things out, which was hard. Not being from New Zealand, I really didn’t know who I could go to for answers, so I spent a lot of time searching on my own. The upside was that when I did find information, there wasn’t anyone questioning or doubting me, which I suppose was the one advantage of not having family close by.

What frustrates me is that, unless you have a background in education or research in early learning, parents are often not provided with information about what to look for or why specific skills are essential. We’re usually told, “They’ll catch up,” “He’s a busy boy,” “She’ll grow out of it,” or “Don’t worry, that’s normal.”

Unfortunately, that kind of reassurance stops many parents, like me, from taking early action. If we understood why these skills mattered, we’d be supporting them at home long before school started. Looking back, there really was nowhere for parents like me to learn about these things. Even Plunket’s information was limited when it came to early signs of learning or language challenges.

I only found out when Ben was seven, after years of being told, “It’s alright,” “He’s only three,” “He’s only four,” “He’ll catch up,” and “Don’t worry, ” he is a busy boy.”

By then, I’d had enough of being reassured when deep down I knew something wasn’t right. Finding Understood.org was a turning point; it finally gave me clear, evidence-based information that made sense and helped me understand what was happening.

Photo above – A scarce photo of Ben doing an art activity at home at age 4

• Struggling to name familiar objects. People told me this was normal, but most children can name everyday things unless they’re overtired. I remember the animal bath toys we had, I’d say, “Lion, roar!” or “Elephant, and trumpet sound!” but Ben would often stay silent or guess wrong. The same thing happened with shapes or pictures in books.

• Finding rhymes hard, Ben loved listening to music and dancing, but he avoided singing nursery rhymes. He couldn’t remember them. Later, we learned he couldn’t hear rhyme at all.

• Trouble remembering sequences. The alphabet song was a big struggle. I’d get frustrated and think he wasn’t trying hard enough, especially when I saw other kids doing it easily. I wish I’d known that it wasn’t about effort, it was about his memory and how his brain was processing information at the time.

• Telling stories out of order. At preschool, if something happened, Ben couldn’t tell the story in order. He’d miss details or jumble things up, and that sometimes meant he got blamed for things he couldn’t explain clearly.

• Forgetting multi-step directions asking Ben to “get your bag, jacket, and shoes” was enough to cause tears, not because he was being difficult, but because he couldn’t hold that many steps in his working memory.

• Letters and numbers It was very rare that Ben would sit with me and do anything. I spent a fortune on wooden letter and number puzzles and blocks, but he hated having to sit still. He loved being outside on his balance bike. Even when we practised letters and numbers at home, he couldn’t remember them from one day to the next. It was frustrating for both of us, and neither of us understood why.

Back when we were growing up, many of these early skills were naturally developed through everyday play. Grandparents were around more, parents often stayed at home, and there was far less technology. TV for under-fives was limited, maybe Play School or Sesame Street, and most play involved building blocks, wooden puzzles, make-believe games, and storybooks.

I remember having conversations with my mum about my concerns with Ben. She asked, “When you walk down the street with Ben in the buggy, are you talking with him? Pointing out things like, ‘Look at the green letterbox. it has the number 22 on it,’ or ‘Look at that lovely spotty dog playing over there.”

I tried it, but I felt awkward. I wasn’t getting much back from Ben, and because I didn’t fully understand why this kind of interaction was so important, I stopped. The guilt I feel now is something I’ll always carry. By the time my second son came along, I knew a great deal more and felt much more confident as a mother. On walks with the boys, what should have taken 10 minutes would take 20, as I pointed out and discussed everything we saw, from trees to cars to clouds, and I now understand how powerful that was for language and learning.

Even simple board and card games play a critical role in early learning. Games build patience, turn-taking skills, and communication skills, and they help children understand numbers, patterns, and problem-solving strategies. Playing games also teaches patience, waiting your turn, that you don’t always win, and to be happy when your friend does.

Here is a small list of games to consider: –

• Snap with playing cards builds subitising, recognising numbers, and patterns.

• Usborne Snap cards – come in a variety of topics, including space, robots, bugs, flowers, shapes, colours, and buildings, and help build vocabulary and communication skills. –

• A set of dice to roll to play “match the number” Roll another one to get the same number.

• Connect Four – use it to make patterns. – Sequencing blocks in size.

• Wooden pin puzzles – build vocabulary and fine motor skills.

• Duplo blocks – can be used for counting, colours, shapes, or just fun.

• Play-Doh – rolling and squeezing builds fine motor and muscle skills in the hand.

• Bouncing and throwing balls or beanbags – helps build balance and accuracy.

• Reading a storybook to build oral language.

   

Apps and screens can be helpful in moderation, but they don’t replace the benefits of real-world interaction. Drawing on a tablet doesn’t develop the fine motor skills and pincer grip that traditional drawing does. Watching a story isn’t the same as reading a story together. When you read aloud, you naturally ask questions, explain words, and discuss images, which builds vocabulary, oral language, and early literacy skills.

Even everyday interactions matter. Discussing what you see, pointing out letters, numbers, shapes, and patterns, or narrating simple tasks helps strengthen language and working memory. These small, consistent moments are what lay the foundation for reading, writing, and maths before children even start school.

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A Message to Other Parents

I questioned Ben’s development at ages 2 and 3 with the doctors, at age 4 during the preschool check, at age 5 at school, and again at age 7 with both the school and doctors. Due to the lack of knowledge, I was often made to feel like I was the problem, that I was worrying over nothing. I was told Ben was just a busy boy and would catch up. We had been declined assessments via the doctors three times. I finally went private, and we started to get some answers, but not always the solutions. It has been an enormous learning curve for both my family and me.

I wish I had the time and knowledge to invest in advocating in the Early Learning area, because so much can be done in this space to support children in a fun and loving way and build the basic skills they need before starting school.

FREE Training courses for parents and educators that I am happy to recommend any of the courses by Cox Campus. They breaks down the stages of development and what skills are needed to be successful in reading and writing. Check the early learning courses here Cox Campus Early Care Learning

I would also recommend reading “what is oral language”  

Another great source of information can be found on this post by Nessy , they have listed resources and webinars- Nessy Facbook Post

Understanding how the brain learns gives even more importance to simple activities like talking, reading, and playing, because these moments build the skills children need for reading, writing, and learning later on. With this knowledge, children might even be identified and supported earlier. Even now, those same activities remain the best way to help children with dyslexia keep up with their peers. Reading together, playing games, and engaging in conversations strengthen language, working memory, and early literacy skills every day.

I know many ECEs, and preschool teachers are not taught this stuff because everything is “child-led,” but the reality is children don’t know what they need to learn; it’s an adult’s job to understand and teach it.

Don’t let comments like “He’s only three,” “She’ll catch up,” or “It’s alright” stop you from observing, asking questions, and taking action. Early understanding and support can not only boost learning but also enhance your child’s confidence and enjoyment of learning.

Remember, every conversation, every game, every shared story matters more than you realise. The work you do in these early years lays the foundation for how your child sees themselves as a learner and how much they believe they can succeed.

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This article was written by Sharon Scurr posted on the Facebook page 9th of October 2025 and loaded on to the website on 25th October 2025.

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